I’m glad I hit the milestone of 100 posts because after this it all ends.
Christian radio broadcaster, Harold Camping, has predicted that the rapture will take place on May 21, 2011. Obviously I’m planning on being raptured which means that this blog will be without its author come Monday, May 23. While I am glad I hit the century mark for this blog, I’m sad I won’t get to see The Dark Night Rises or write a review for Captain America.
Here are some other things I’ll miss when I get raptured on Saturday.
- My 7,000th Tweet: I’m about 200 away from number 7,000, which means I’m about 195 away from tweeting, “What should I do with my 7,000th tweet?” Then, with my 7,001st tweet I’ll post, “I can’t believe I wasted my 7,000th tweet trying to win an iPad.”
- A Cubs’ World Series Championship: Let’s be honest. Even if the rapture doesn’t happen on Saturday and I live for another 100 years, I may never see this happen.
- Prequels to the Star Wars Prequels: I’m really going to miss a whole new generation of Star Wars fans complaining about how George Lucas ruined their childhood by screwing up the legacy of Episodes 1-3.
- Hoverboard: We’re a scant four years from Mattel’s unveiling of the Hoverboard. I’ve never been much of a skater but I would have loved the opportunity to be a hoverer. Things I’ll also miss from 2015: Mr. Fusion, self-drying clothes and Jaws 19.
- The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim: I haven’t been this excited for a video game since Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball. Maybe being excited for a beach volleyball game will keep me from getting raptured tomorrow.
- Las Vegas: My best friend is getting married in October and I had the responsibility of planning a weekend in Vegas to celebrate. While I’m sure heaven will be awesome, there’s nothing like losing money while sitting in a semi-circle.
- Harry Potter Reboots: I’m going to miss when Warner Bros. goes back to their cash cow and reboots the Harry Potter movie franchise. To keep things fresh, though, they’ll turn Harry into a brooding vampire and Voldemort will trade his snake-like nostrils for the chiseled jaw and rock-hard abs of Taylor Lautner.
- Jean Grey’s Return: I’ve already expressed my long-lived crush for Jean Grey. While I don’t follow the comics as closely as I used to, I will definitely miss Jean’s inevitable return. Though if I had to choose between Christ’s return and Jen Grey’s, I would take Christ’s. I don’t know if my 12-year-old self would have made the same choice.
Here are some things I won’t miss when I get raptured on Saturday
- Narcissism: I won’t miss people thinking that they are important enough for Jesus to return during their lifetimes. There have been a lot of other periods in history when Christ’s returned seemed more imminent. It’s funny that no one ever makes bold claims that Jesus will return long after they are dead and the world has forgotten about them.
- Disbelief: I also won’t miss people not taking Jesus at his word. Jesus said that no one knows when he will return, not even the Mayans or Harold Camping. I find it interesting that some people put more faith in their own predictions than in Jesus’ own words.
- Let It Burn: I really won’t miss Christians viewing this world as a prison to be escaped rather than God’s creation to be redeemed. In Revelation the New Jerusalem descends here to earth. Our lives aren’t supposed to be about counting down the days until we get to leave for God’s kingdom. We should be living our lives to bring God’s kingdom here. Our lives and actions should be a practice of the Lord’s Prayer: your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
I don’t know if I’m going to be raptured tomorrow but I’m not canceling my Saturday night plans. We should want Jesus to return and make everything right but we need to realize that he’s working on his own schedule, not ours.
Should the rapture happen, though, and I’m left behind, I will have only one question: Where is Kirk Cameron?
What will you miss if you’re raptured tomorrow?
0 comment