This week I’m at summer camp and it is providing a lot of material for this blog. Our speaker seems to be a little nerdy and he let his nerd flag fly a during one of his talks. He put up pictures of two fictional villains and had the audience cheer for who they thought would win in a fight. Here are some of the matchups he presented.
Darth Vader vs. Ursula
In this matchup, the room full of high school students cheered louder for Ursula. Ursula? Really? Darth Vader is a Lord of the Sith. Here are a few of the ways Darth Vader could defeat Ursula.
- Force choke
- Force push
- Lightsaber to the face
- Lightsaber to the tentacles
- Drowning her in her own ink
- Strangling her with her own tentacles
The main force behind Ursula’s cheering was high school girls. The collective screaming of high school girls rivals the loudest rock concerts. I tried reasoning with some of the girls around me as to why Darth Vader would easily defeat Ursula, but it was to no avail. Seriously, though, Darth Vader would demolish Ursula and then turn her into sushi.
Scar vs. Jabba the Hutt
Our speaker has young children, which explains why his matchups included so many Disney characters. The students actually chose this matchup correctly and cheered loudest for Scar. Jabba the Hutt is a giant slug whose own massive weight has left him immobile. Even though Scar is an older lion, he is still a lion. Lions are God’s version of Predators: they’re strong, they’re hunters and they’re vicious. Lions are better than Predators, though. A lion might fall to Arnold Schwarzenegger but there’s no way Danny Glover would ever defeat a lion. Also, Princess Leia was basically wearing dental floss and some Coke cans and she was still able to kill Jabba. This was the only matchup on which I agreed with the students.
Joker vs. Magneto
I thought the students cheering louder for Ursula than Darth Vader was a little ridiculous, but I was amused by Ariel’s continued influence on teenage girls. When the students cheered louder for Joker than Magneto, though, I got a little angry. Magneto is the master of magnetism; Joker is a self-professed dog chasing a car. I can’t imagine a world in which Joker concocts a scheme to lure Magneto into an area completely devoid of metal or magnetic fields. I understand that Heath Ledger created one of the most amazing characters ever caught on film. Apart from that performance, though, Joker is just a dude who likes guns and dynamite. Magneto is the most powerful mutant on the planet who can manipulate one of earth’s most elementary forces. I cheered the loudest for Magneto but even my enthusiasm wasn’t enough to secure him the victory. Even though I feel like I lost the matchup, I can rest easy knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Magneto would defeat Joker. In fact, Magneto should beat everybody all the time but that would have made X-Men a very short-lived comic book.
I love summer camp and spending time with high school students, even if they don’t have a clue about who would defeat who. At least I know who would win as did all the other nerds in the room with me. I should have found the others cheering for Magneto. We could have started our own little small group at camp, mainly to talk about Jesus but also to come up with more ways that Darth Vader could kill Ursula.
What matchup of villains would you like to see?