Envy, the green-eyed monster
I’ve been writing this blog for over two years. I started TheChristianNerd with the intention of sharing about the intersection of my passion for Jesus and my passion for nerdclinations. I wanted to help people see how God is already engaging them through culture; God is present in so many of our cultural artifacts, we just have to look for him. I also wanted to learn the discipline of writing something every day, whether it was good or bad…or even worse.
For all of the blogging I’ve done, though, I’m actually pretty bad at reading other blogs. I read a lot about pop culture and nerd culture, but not a lot of bloggers sharing their thoughts and insights. I don’t have a lot of time to read other blogs and I’m also worried about losing my own voice by taking in too many others. Mostly, though, I’m scared to read bloggers who are better than me.
I’m pretty sure I’ve written before about my struggles with pride. I am a prideful person and in the past that has manifested itself in some pretty ugly ways.
I have refused to apologize even when I knew I was wrong.
I thought that I could teach a better lesson than my youth pastor who had been in ministry longer than I had been alive.
I believed that people could connect with God better when I was leading them in worship than when someone else was.
Pride has been my constant companion and an ever-present thorn in my side. I actually don’t take that much pride in my writing. However, I don’t want whatever small amount of writer’s pride I have to be destroyed by reading someone else’s blog. I really do suffer from writer’s envy and it really is a green-eyed monster.
Envy is so destructive because it ruins our ability to be content with what God has given us. When we’re too busy staring at what other people are doing, it blinds us to the things to which God has called us.
What if Moses had been envious of Aaron’s cool robe and turban?
What if Han had been envious of Luke’s lightsaber?
What if Hawkeye and Black Widow had been envious of all the other Avengers with their super powers?
In all of those situations, Moses, Han, Hawkeye and Black Widow would have missed out on what they had to offer.
Sure, Moses didn’t have a cool hat but he did get to speak with God face-to-face.
Sure, Han wasn’t a Jedi but he did destroy the shield generator and get the girl.
Sure, Hawkeye and Black Widow weren’t as super but that didn’t keep them from being heroes.
Envying others only keeps us from doing what God has called us to do. And in my case, not reading other writers because I think they’re better than me, keeps me from learning from them. There is enough of God’s work to go around; we can’t let envy keep us from doing our part.
How do you deal with envy?
Here are some writers of whom I’m envious.
Scott, I know I’ve told you before I envy your discipline at this blog. I also envy your willingness to share so much of your inner life with us; and also your economy of words! You usually manage to say more in your brief, to-the-point posts than I do in my long and frequently rambling ones… In fact, I recently resolved to try to keep myself to half my usual length, honestly thinking, “I should be more like Scott Higa!”
I liked your point about God having more than enough work to go around!
One writer I especially envy is Frederick Buechner, Presbyterian minister and novelist. He has a wonderful way with words. I recommend him highly.
As for how I deal with envy… not always successfully! By God’s grace. We keep on keeping on!
Just remember Scott; “there is no limit to what God can do through the man who doesn’t care who gets the credit.” God bless you, son
Thanks, grandpa.
Scott, this was one of the first things I read when I woke up this morning. However, It has taken me all day to steal a moment to comment.
Thank you for being honest about what so many people, myself included, struggle with. I read almost everyone of your posts…not because of my nerdclinations, but because I am convinced that God uses you, your ministry and your writing to influence and inspire.
This is my favorite post so far, not only because of the obvious, for which I feel incredibly honored, but because of your vulnerability.
Thank you.
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